Dear Beamers,
Greetings!
Not only children, but everyone should understand that perfection is unattainable—we will never reach it. While this might sound pessimistic, it should serve as solace for ambitious individuals pursuing goals and objectives in life. Life is not a straightforward path but a complex journey with diverse challenges, unlike the standardized and evenly spaced hurdles of a 100-meter race. Growing up accustomed to constant success or comfort can be a hidden detriment. Individuals who experience everything coming easily to them may fail to learn the invaluable lessons of resilience and adversity. Instead, they may attribute their failures to external factors like witches, envy from others, or unforeseen enemies, which fosters a destructive and shadowy mindset. Experiencing failure is essential for understanding that life consists of both successes and setbacks, and learning from these experiences is crucial. In line with our commitment to providing insightful perspectives on current societal issues, this week’s newsletter aims to emphasize the importance of teaching children that failure is an integral part of life’s journey.
Children, especially in infancy and toddlerhood, are like malleable wires shaped by the stresses they encounter. Their flexibility allows them to be molded into positive or chaotic forms without breaking. This underscores the critical importance of grooming children during their early years, guiding them towards paths that encourage wisdom, thereby reducing susceptibility to negative influences.
Making mistakes is an inherent aspect of the journey toward excellence, as they offer valuable opportunities for growth and encourage children to explore new horizons. This pushes them to learn, adapt, and achieve greater accomplishments. Pursuing perfection can diminish the joy of learning. Joy, as a powerful motivator, surpasses pressure or fear of failure. Therefore, children should be encouraged to enjoy the process, recognizing that outcomes may sometimes fall short of initial expectations, even when the path to a goal seems insurmountable.
Oyekanmi Yimika, a civil servant, believes that teaching children resilience is crucial for helping them maturely handle mistakes. According to him,
“If you’re wondering how your child can learn from mistakes, it’s all about being tough. Being tough helps students bounce back from challenges and tough times. When kids face obstacles and learn to overcome them positively, they develop this skill. It’s important because being tough helps a child handle stress, anxiety, and uncertainty in school. It’s not just about recovering from poor grades; it’s about learning and growing from these experiences.”
In reality, children who make errors and receive corrective feedback not only learn more effectively but also retain the correct information longer. Many students are frequently preoccupied with how their failures are perceived by others, leading some to doubt their academic future when confronted with challenges. Normalizing errors and recognizing them as valuable learning opportunities can help children overcome their fears and insecurities.
Children should be encouraged to show self-compassion rather than being overly critical of themselves, recognizing that making mistakes is a natural part of being human. This mindset aids in coping with academic failures by enabling students to approach challenges objectively, reducing self-criticism and over-identification with their experiences.
Mrs. Olaide Adelakun advises that it is important to first appreciate the honesty of children before pointing out errors or mistakes. According to her,
“When a child admits a mistake instead of getting defensive, show appreciation. Children feel safer seeking guidance from adults when they can admit mistakes without fear. This trust and security can give them the confidence to avoid setbacks and improve next time. Let your child know you appreciate them coming to you. This builds trust, making them more likely to share future issues with you.”
Naturally, children often use defensive language to deflect blame for any misdeeds. This behavior, known as blame-shifting, occurs when children attribute their actions or mistakes to others or external circumstances. If your child has done something wrong and hesitates to admit fault, they may shift the blame onto others. While this behavior is not uncommon, it is important to address it together with your child. You can reassure them that it’s okay to acknowledge mistakes and that taking responsibility is a courageous and honorable quality to cultivate. Together, you can discuss ways to prevent similar situations in the future. This approach not only encourages mindfulness and self-awareness but also fosters problem-solving skills.
Parents and educators play a significant role in encouraging children to embrace and learn from low-risk mistakes, while also providing clear and constructive feedback. At home, adopting this approach involves reinforcing the idea that setbacks are opportunities for growth and understanding in various aspects of life. Regardless of your child’s performance or behavior in school and at home, harsh judgment or punishment is not productive. Instead of confronting your child in a way that might cause shame or embarrassment over a mistake or failure, try asking, “What do you think about this?” It’s likely that your child is struggling with feelings of disappointment or low self-esteem, and it’s important for them to feel safe and supported by their parents. This environment encourages children to feel comfortable learning and growing from their experiences.
Being an objective observer of a child involves identifying the root cause of a mistake by reviewing the events that led to it without getting lost in unnecessary details. It means focusing on the learning process rather than becoming overly attached to the outcome. It also entails asking questions such as, “Could a different outcome have been achieved?” For example, if your child was disciplined at a social gathering for making hurtful remarks about their peers’ appearance or embarrassing traits, you could guide them to empathize and consider the perspective of the other child. You might explain that discussing someone’s physical features negatively can be hurtful. This approach helps your child understand the potential impact of their words on others and encourages them to take responsibility for their actions in the future.
Damilare Adetoro, a career advisor, emphasizes that parents play a crucial role in helping their children become aware of their strengths, which ultimately supports their long-term success. According to him,
“Parents play an important role in helping their children discover their strengths, which sets them up for long-term success. When children identify their strengths early on, they start shaping their career aspirations. They learn that their weaknesses don’t define them and that failure is a stepping stone to success. Instead of doing things for them, parents should encourage and guide their children to become independent.”
Okunuga Diane, a mother of two, emphasized that parents should also be careful not to intervene excessively in their children’s challenges. According to her,
“Parents should let children handle their own problems because that’s how kids learn to manage emotions, solve issues and respect others’ perspectives. When parents rush in to rescue them, children miss out on developing these social and emotional skills. If children aren’t allowed to learn from mistakes, they might rely on others to solve their problems.”
Parents and teachers may sometimes feel frustrated when children seem to start projects, encounter setbacks, move on to something new, and face similar challenges repeatedly. However, this iterative process mirrors the journey of serial entrepreneurs in the adult world. Therefore, with each failure and parental guidance, children learn that failure is a natural part of growth. Failing to address these experiences may lead children to develop a fear of failure. It’s important to discuss these situations calmly and thoughtfully to avoid reacting impulsively and inadvertently instilling fear in children.
Failure provides children with a chance to cultivate problem-solving and critical thinking abilities. When faced with setbacks, they are motivated to assess the situation, explore alternative strategies, and adapt accordingly. Encouraging children to reflect on their failures and explore different solutions empowers them with the skills needed to effectively tackle challenges. This process not only helps children overcome specific obstacles but also fosters a mindset of adaptability and resourcefulness, essential qualities for success in a dynamic world.
As you mentor your child through their life journey, it’s crucial to instill in them the understanding that setbacks and failures are not endpoints but integral aspects of the learning process. It is evident that mistakes are not only unavoidable but also invaluable in the educational journey. Therefore, it is imperative for us, as adults—whether as parents or educators—to continually reinforce to our young learners that mistakes and failures are not merely obstacles but also essential tools for personal growth and development.
